Revising for Purpose

Revising your paper is the most important thing a writer can do before being satisfied with the work. He points out that writers build relationships with their papers, like they would with when dating someone and it is tough for them to easily see the negatives. To break this bond with the paper, a writer needs to take the perspective of a reader in order to discover gaps in information or sections of the draft that need more development. He points out that it is best to start with a purpose of your paper, and writing a strong thesis tie in with the purpose. There are different ways a writer can revise their draft and each way is effective, giving the writer a different perspective on the paper. They can get feedback from readers that gives them another viewpoint to the paper. I have found it easiest to read a draft of my paper and have a couple highlighters present. It helps me distinct my input on the paper with the facts that I am taking from research, and allows for me to put my opinions in when needed. Revising for information helps me find quick facts that may be missing in the paper that could ultimately help prove my point in the argument. Also, reading the draft out loud helps me find holes in the paper because it does give me that viewpoint of the reader and if sentences are not making sense to me, chances are the reader isn't making sense of it either.

Revision Is Where The Money Is At

This reading made one point very clear to me: Revision is the single most important step in writing. This could not have been written any more resolutely. Ballenger devoted almost twenty pages to the topic of revision. In these pages Ballenger goes over many different strategies pertaining to the “re-searching” of topics. I thought that it was very interesting the way that he broke down the roots of the word ‘revising’. Taken literally, revising means, “looking again” which makes the word a lot more helpful. We are simply ‘looking again’ at our previous draft. There are many ways in which we can revise our drafts, and every technique offers a different benefit. Some of these methods are, getting an outside opinion, attacking the draft by cutting your paper into pieces, examining your thesis and listening to your voice. These are all good strategies for revision, but in my opinion, listening to my own voice is the most effective method. Using this technique, I read the essay out loud to myself. I have always loved using this method. When a writer gets bogged down by work, it becomes very easy to start using canned phrases. The writer fills page after page with words that, while they make sense, do not make the writer’s voice readily apparent. Whenever I use this process I come across entire paragraphs in which I ramble on in someone else’s words; not making my own voice heard above the din of clichéd subjects and everyday predicates. Typically when I read my work out loud to myself I keep a pen or marker on hand, instantly rewriting sentences that do not sound like me.
Another great benefit of reading your draft out loud is that it makes grammar adjustments go much more smoothly. A lot of times a sentence will seem to have perfect structure on paper, but when you try to read through it out loud, you get caught on certain parts of the sentence. This fact makes this particular method even more beneficial for someone who does not have people to help with the correction of papers. It is amazing how much your ears pick up, that your eyes do not.

Improper Treatment of Sports Injuries

        Injuries in athletics are impossible, for the most part, to avoid.  A main concern for participants in the sports world today is how to deal with these injuries.  Athletes, physicians and coaches need to handle injuries in a more cautious way in order to allow athletes to heal properly before returning to their sport.  However many athletes do not give themselves enough time to recover completely.  Playing injured puts athletes at a greater risk to develop more major injuries that can effect their life for the long term.  In her psychological study about sports injuries, Jane Crossman found that most athletes and coaches can have unrealistic goals concerning how quickly an injured player should be allowed back into the game.  

       Being naturally competitive, athletes want to get back to playing as soon as possible; it’s an athlete’s instinct to fight through whatever pain they have in order to continue playing in the sport they love.  According to British football manager Gernald Houlier, this type of athletic character is considered a “good attitude”.  Players with this wrongly labeled “good attitude” are willing play no matter what kind of pain they may be in.  The “good attitude” characteristic is looked positively upon by other managers, coaches and teammates despite the negative effects that could come as a result of playing through pain.  

        Take former NFL player Kyle Turley for example.  As Yahoo! Sports writer Michael Silver reports, Turley had received various minor head “dings” throughout his football career.  However in 2003, during a game against Kentucky while Turley was playing for the St. Louis Rams, he was knocked unconscious after receiving a huge blow to the helmet.  Although Turley was pulled from the game, he did not receive proper treatment, even after his “bizarre” behavior that occurred in the locker room later that night according to his teammates.  Years later Turley is suffering from blackouts, collapsing and seizures due to these untreated injuries.  Turley is now showing symptoms of what doctors believe is Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE).  Shocked and irritated by these life threaten results, Turley wants to sue the NFL after realizing how many times he had been simply put into a dark room to recover from various minor concussions throughout the years instead of being properly treated.  As a result of his frustration, Turley has come up with many plans and ideas to prevent future athletes from going the suffering he now has to live with.  

      Kyle Turley’s story has opened the eyes of the NFL.  The NFL realizes that they have given unacceptable medical care in the past, and according to Michael Silver, they wish to improve their methods in dealing with injuries.  To enhance medical care, athletes need to develop a great amount of trust with their physicians.  Many physicians face pressure from coachers and employers to “heal” an athlete in the fastest way possible.  A majority of doctors fall into this pressure and resort to giving athletes a high amount of pain killers.  An athlete needs to be able to fully trust their physician, quite literally, with their lives.  Every athlete must have full faith that their physician is treating them in the best way possible to help them heal quickly as well as healthily.

Athletics: The Major Money Machine

Boise State University has a predicted budget for 2010 of over 350 million dollars. That can go a long way toward building the university, expanding academic success and providing the best post secondary education that its students can receive. Of that 350 million dollar budget, it is a popular belief that much of that is spent on athletics. A new press box and suites in the football stadium, a new indoor practice facility, renovations to the men’s and women’s basketball locker rooms, and a completely new track facility are all reasons why people think money is being thrown to the athletic department without discretion. However, closer examination of where that money comes from and how it’s distributed shows a much different story.
According to the 2010 financial plan for Boise State 350 million dollars is the expected budget, and of that 350 million dollars, the athletic department receives a mere 5 percent of the entire budget from the school, contrary to what many people believe. Considering the fact that athletics is the face of the university and the major marketing tool that Boise State has, then that small amount of money is not nearly enough. If one complains that athletics receives too much money, they must also consider that instruction receives over 88 million dollars, scholarship funds get 75 million annually and even the library receives 7 million, 2 million more than the athletic department! Too much money for athletics? Considering what the athletic department brings in, 5 million may not be enough.
The biggest moment in Boise State history was the 2007 Fiesta Bowl win over football powerhouse Oklahoma. Frank Zang, Boise State’s director of communications and marketing said, “Athletics is a window to the university and the Fiesta Bowl journey provided unprecedented media coverage of the university, valued at between $100-$150 million.” 150 million dollars in return for a 5 million dollar investment (across the entire athletic department, not just football) means that Boise State brought in 33 times more money than they spent! Those statistics tell us the bold truth that athletic spending is a wise investment. That one game brought so much to Boise State where we have seen enrollment grow by 4,000 students since then. Jessica Hill, an incoming student from Seattle said, “I never even knew there was a university in Boise until the Fiesta Bowl. I cam through here a lot driving with my family to Utah, but I had no clue about Boise State.” The athletic department is what brings money and attention to our university.
The financial return from athletics is one of the biggest sources of income for any university and as any economist can tell you, to make money, you must spend money. Despite popular opinion, athletics does not receive most of the money from the universities budget, they get very little, but bring in nearly 30 percent of the universities funds annually. The athletic department is funded in a large part by donors, and not the university. However, with what is spent on athletics and the return that comes, it’s clear that athletics is a huge part of the budget, not in terms of spending, but in terms of income. Athletics fund the rest of the universities functions and operations. Athletics funds academics! It’s the money machine.

The problem with hobbies II

Hobbies are great, but the pursuit of them can often interfere with the family life. I am interested in racing, however the involvement needed is too great for me to pursue the sport I love. As a father, my family needs me to be more involved with the interests of my children. The only way for me to pursue my passion is to support my kids if they choose to race. Hobbies have many benefits. These benefits can be a drawback if not nurtured in the correct manner.
The foremost benefit of racing is the time required to enable one to race the next weekend. If a child's enjoyment of racing is nurtured correctly it is more likely that the child will refrain from delinquent acts. A sociology study, called Socialization Via Interscholastic Athletics: Its Effects on Delinquency" found in Sociology of Education found, “rates of delinquency (from court records) were highest for students who engaged in no extracurricular activities.” Racing is a time-demanding sport. One must work on a car throughout the week to ensure that it is in optimum condition for the next race. This time intensive work ensures that the child is busy and not out “running a muck.” The saying “idle hands are the devil's playground” says it best; if a child is bored they are more likely to cause trouble. The time involved with racing has a secondary benefit, it strengthens the bond between the child and the parents.
Travis Anderson, a late model driver, recounts the memory of spending all weekend in an R.V. with his parents,“the time we spent together (in the camper) helped me bond with my parents.” The more time spent together on a common goal the stronger the bond between a parent and a child. This is evident in the bond between my wife and our daughter. Carmon is the youngest, so while the older two boys were at school, my wife was able to spend an unequaled amount of time with our daughter. Now consequently our daughter is very attached to my wife, more so than the boys are. Hobbies, if pursued by the family as a family, can help the family ties become so strong that the family will become an insurmountable force. On the other hand, if pursued individually, the hobby has the ability to weaken a family's bond to a point that the family bond is easily splintered. Hobbies also have an ability to teach children how to become better, more responsible people.
Most people who race have a “day job.” The drivers that I have spoke with have emphasized that they have this job so that they can pay their bills and hopefully have enough to race. Gale Carter, a driver at Meridian raceway, admitted, “Racing is a drive for me to be responsible. Keep my bills paid, then try to come up with enough extra to support my racing.” The same is true for most hobbies, they all teach us to be better individuals. What better way to exemplify these values than to sacrifice what we may love, in order to support our children's love?

Atheltics Success and Money

350 million dollars can go a long way. That's the 2010 budget at Bosie State University. Each fiscal year, that budget is broken down into departments, divisions, and programs; each recieving a share of that lottery. Some people believe that athletics recieves too much of that money, however, when we look close, that's not the case at all. Of the 350 million, only about 5 percent will be spent on athletics. Compare that to nearly 33 percent on instruction and almost 25 percent on scholarships, and athletics recieves in comparison, very little. In fact, even the library recieves more money anually that the athletic department. Money from donors is not calculated into this because that is independent of the 350 million that Boise State brings in annually and donors can spend their own money when and where they want. Many of them chose to spend it on athletics because sports are the major marketing tool of any university. Donors paid a large part of the new Stuekle Sky Suites at the staduim. Donors contributed large amounts of money to build the new indoor practice facility. Currently, plans are underway for a new track where East Junior High once stood and donations have already begun flowing. This generosity is often misconstued into what the public sees as needless spending on athletics when that money could be going toward academics. They don't realize however, how much money academics actually recieves and that athletics recieves a very small portion of that budget, despite athletics being the face of Boise State.

Steroid Effecting Life

Steroids and performance enhancing drugs may seem like they benefit a baseball player's body during his playing years, but in reality he is setting his body up for failure during his post career days. I believe players should not suffer the consequence of having their stats tampered with in the record books, and also being banned from the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. One aspect of steroids that I would like to focus on is the negative effects it has on one’s body because the long-term effects take a toll on a person who abuses steroids. Alex Rodgriguez stated, "I knew I was setting my post-career up for failure after I suffered a minor neck strain that eventually went into my spine and I couldn't even move my head to either side" (A-Rod Interview ESPN). It is evident that steroids start attacking the muscles of people, causing a deterioration over time. Also, “However the most severe harmful effects are expressed in adolescent consumers of steroids." The stunted growth may result in teenagers since increased levels of estrogen may result in the epiphyseal fusion and hold back the lengthening of bones. The reduced expression of secondary sexual characteristics is also a result of adolescent steroid abuse. This supports the fact that if teenagers who are into sports are taking steroids, it would be near impossible to expand one’s opportunities on the field of play if they are taking steroids. This is why people could make a case that steroids are only helping athletes get a mental edge because of what they think steroids are doing for their bodies in a positive manner. Steroid rage is a huge side effect that people experience when taking steroids. However, most athletes are unaware that they are taking a banned substance. It is not until the substance is mixed with the chemicals one’s body naturally produces on the inside to become a steroid (Roberts, Anthony). Lastly, why are steroids such a huge topic in the new millennium when steroids have been used even by the baseball players who have been retired for 20 years? “Also, substance abuse rules have not always been in effect. Throughout sports, committees are buckling down on substances used by athletes in order to control what each person is taking” (Wilson, Wayne & Derse, Edward).

Golf, The Great Teacher

Teachers are human. This is why people will always have trouble learning from them. Don’t get me wrong, teachers do everything humanly possible to insert things into our brains. Teachers work tirelessly to create thinkers out of all of their students. Unfortunately people do not learn well from other people. This fact can frustrate many teachers, causing them to think apathetically about most students. This apathy causes them to put less effort into their lessons. They move on from lesson to lesson, not particularly interested in whether or not the students are grasping everything that they are teaching.

This is the reason that golf is such a great teacher. Golf hits you with the same lessons, over and over, until you have fully grasped the concept. When a person tries to play the game without learning the lessons, they keep getting hit by the same problems. For instance, a man who has a problem with humility will have a big problem when he plays golf. From the first hole on, he will be humbled by the difficulty of the game. After just a few rounds of golf, a prideful person will either become humble, or quit the game. It is this repetitive teaching style that makes golf such a great teacher.

Children benefit the most from this type of teaching. When a teacher moves on from a valuable lesson, it can mess up a child’s entire education. Golf can provide a place for children to learn these valuable lessons from a teacher who does not stop until the lesson has been learned.

The problem with hobbies

Hobbies are great, but the pursuit of them can often interfere with the family life. I am interested in racing, however the involvement need to race is too great for me to pursue the sport I love. As a father, my family needs me to be more involved with the interests of my children. The only way for me to pursue my passion is to support my kids if they choose to race. Hobbies have many benefits. These benefits can be a drawback if not nurtured in the correct manner.
The foremost benefit of racing is the time required to enable one to race the next weekend. If a child's enjoyment of racing is nurtured correctly it is more likely that the child will refrain from delinquent acts. A sociology study, called Socialization Via Interscholastic Athletics: Its Effects on Delinquency" found in Sociology of Education found, “rates of delinquency (from court records) were highest for students who engaged in no extracurricular activities.”. Racing is a time-demanding sport. One must work on a car throughout the week to ensure that it is in optimum condition for the next race. This time intensive work ensures that the child is busy and not out “running a muck.” The saying “idle hands are the devil's playground” says it best; if a child is bored they are more likely to cause trouble. The time involved with racing has a secondary benefit, it strengthens the bond between the child and the parents.
Travis Anderson, a late model driver, recounts the memory of spending all weekend in an R.V. with his parents,“the time we spent together (in the camper) helped me bond with my parents.” The more time spent together on a common goal the stronger the bond between a parent and a child. This is evident in the bond between my wife and our daughter. Carmon is the youngest, so while the older two boys were at school, my wife was able to spend an unequaled amount of time with our daughter. Now consequently our daughter is very attached to my wife, more so than the boys are. Hobbies, if pursued by the family as a family, can help the family ties become so strong that the family will become an insurmountable force. On the other hand, if pursued individually, the hobby has the ability to weaken a family's bond to a point that the family is easily splintered. Hobbies also have an ability to teach children how to become better, more responsible people.
Most people who race have a “day job.” The drivers that I have spoke with have emphasized that they have this job so that they can pay their bills and hopefully have enough to race. Gale Carter, a driver at Meridian raceway, admitted, “Racing is a drive for me to be responsible. Keep my bills paid, then try to come up with enough extra to support my racing.” The same is true for most hobbies, they all teach us to be better individuals. What better way to exemplify these values than to sacrifice what we may love, in order to support our children's love?

Writing a paper is like playing football. In order to have a good offense, you need to have a good defense. The football team cannot advance with just their offense, they need their defense to make them stronger and make their results stand out more prominently.

A similar concept exists when writing any paper that argues that an idea, argument or product etc is better than any other. A paper will go nowhere just by stating why one opinion is the best or the right point of view without any "back up". Sports teams launch their defenses immediately; protecting their offense from the get go.

The same strategy is useful when authoring an opinion or argumentative paper; it is imperative to "clear the air" from the start by discussing what the opposing view point or critics believe. By following this model it allows for a much clearer paper and the reader comes away more knowledgeable and better able to understand your argument and then decide if they agree with your findings.


One of the most important aspects of writing any paper is clarity. If the aim is to sway the intended audience into agreeing with your point of view then a well written and concise argument must be made and this game plan should be followed: be clear about your stance from the very start, explain what the other side says and why they say it, and then make a convincing and succinct argument that proves why your position is the best. Game over.